this is all over the place. brain rant

who started blogging? I dunno but I see how it can be a good outlet and if people actually think your interesting enough or cool enough to read what you have to say or post then good for you.

(but its also another place to just be ripped apart and judged, I totally do that too...)

Anyway I see it as self validation on another level I suppose. But there are so many blogs out there how do people have time to read all the constant phycological banter that another has going on in their brain. My teacher said having a blog is a great way to practise/exercise writing. I like that idea and its an organized diary ( kinda why I decided to take her suggestion up)-

I realize that I can write on this what ever I want....well sort of... it will be there forever. its almost impossible to delete things once published on the internet- why i still have my boober82@hotmail account- please stop sending my fan mail there it will never get read! - sorry - haha

I was thinking about all these other people who have blogs about bettering themselves and the world. They want people to read them so they think their words are significant and creating change or what ever........Im sure for some these peoples words are inspiring and Im almost envious that people can touch other people in that way. Id rather throw poo at people like monkeys- that's another way to touch people and get your point across.

Im slightly in a sad and cynical mood, disappointed in my personal behaviour this past week and to be completely honest the past long while....granted the reason for feeling especially low may have something to do with messing around with brain chemicals but the downward spiral is such an easy slide to jump on but I know I should start thinking about the consequences of my actions because Im not made of rubber and bouncing back is getting harder.......