Hear I am days later from my somber words and disillusioned view on relationships with someone and angst to my life etc....and All of a sudden blah blah. I am on top on my game. I am positive, light headed, extremely optimistic and kinda super into where things seem to be going right now. How do you ride a wave that is getting so high and keep on it long enough to have effects that will last. I don't want to fall of this board and drown again. I told my friend yesterday that I have a crush on myself. HA pretty ridiculous yes but it has really been a long while that I have been feeling this good about the opportunities and possibilities that have just recently been unfolding and presenting themselves to me. I seeing that I actually have things going for me and when you are clear headed, meaning sober and not depressed or feeling sorry for yourself, good things might actually start to happen. Im less concerned with relationships and more concerned with the organic flow of how friends and personal time can integrate in to my life on a balanced level. If people want to be apart of my life because of who I am then its a lot less stressful to try an make a friendship happen. Thses friends actually care what I have to say and think I have something going for my self and well, How Im feeling now they migh just be right. One of the most exciting things that has presented itself to me is a extremely lovely and talented friend has asked me to start a band with them. Something I have wanted for so long but as a sneaky little unrealistic dream that only my shampoo bottles could appreciate. Me in in the shower, singing Disney songs at the top of my lungs. No encores were ever asked for. But the acoustics in a shower!!!
Anyways I am uber excited and flattered that this person thinks Im going to bring a significant amount of creative charisma to his team and Im almost in a state of ecstasy crazed excitement with this and the other this and thats that have me looking forward to life again.
Plus my BFF just came to visit and this cherry tops the whole thing.
This is something funny and sad and human though that is popping into me head. This person that I feel made me lose my self worth, goals, or at least I was just focusing all my energy on them and so there was none left for me which inturn was making me my own worst enemy. Anyways so there gone and Im am doing better than I have in so long and I cant help but think am I really going to not have this person in my life again.....I mean friends/lovers should bring out the best in you and motivate you to be better and since he was the culprit to all my self demise is it a good idea to secretly hope we can be good friends again after the horrible states my relationship with him caused me to be in?? I guess only time and the wave of excitement I am riding on will tell. One thing is for sure I truly hope I can continue to flourish in my own path and only when I really do have my own things going for me should I ever consider to love again.
My wet blanket is drying! Thank G!