oh the little tings....

udder frustration and confusion has taken over all of a sudden and all i want to do is everything i am not suppose to. one thing is copy and pasting dozens of things for my teacher who seems to be alright with me skipping school to do his work and also not thinking that I have any other things of my own going on because he is so blind sited by his own personal project that i said i wanted to help with. I think its great that he seems to be a bit like a slave driver, he expects a lot and that's a good learning experience for me but at the same time i cant help but feel like i'm being walked all over. I mean i'm not getting paid and if i hadn't agreed to do this when was he going to find the time to get it done. i'm having it done in a week and its taking up at least 15 hours of my time but who cares and who is counting all i know is im doing this instead of school and working out. but this is just a minor frustration and im sorta happy to be doing it but its taking forever and now im wasting time so i can vent! I also want to not attend a particular event that is happening tonight because a certain so and so is expecting me to be there just as they expect me to be available for what ever and when ever they want. Little details that people tell you that you most often forget or even think to think or consider but it is always the little things that count and with this person there is never any miniscule surprises sent my way, i watch as they dit and dat to all their other friends so I know this person is very capable at caring but why bother putting in those little details to someone that respects you more than they should. You have to try to put them down some how and by acting like you barely consider their existence to be important is a great way to do this because then when all of a sudden this person wants something from you all they have to do is walk you home and bam their in. in so many ways there in and you have their undivided attention for what 3 hours plus a cuddle maybe.....then its the next day and they go back to negligence because they think oh SHIT, ive given her too much and she can't think that this means I actually care about her, I FEEL LIKE IT MUST BE HARD WORK TO PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT SOMEONE SOMETIMES BUT THIS BRINGS ME BACK TO THE LITTLE THINGS I MEAN. EVEN IN MY 3 HOURS WITH THIS PERSON WHEN THEY ARE GIVING ME ATTENTION THERE IS STILL NO LITTLE THINGS IT IS NOT ABOUT ME BY ANY MEANS ITS ABOUT THEM, YES I AM THERE BUT THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE STARING AT THEIR OWN FUCKING REFLECTION. and they think its not obvious, well im not stupid im just hopeless and retarded.

anyways i go to this thing they expect or i don't go and confusion implodes to bad im too weak.

well back to work.